Almost Christmas

It’s almost Christmas. How’s that song go. "Christmas won’t be the same this year without the one I love" or something like that. I miss Daddy. I was OK for Thanksgiving. My sister had her bawlfest then. I knew I would have more trouble with Christmas. Christmas and Daddy are linked. Even after he moved out of the house he would come back every Christmas to help me decorate teh house. And he would come over Christmas morning when I opened my presents, even if he was working. Daddy loved Christmas. He played his music: Nat King Cole, Johnny Mathis, WDAS Soulful Christmas, etc. He would tell stories of how his dad used to go around and play the piano for various choirs in the city. Daddy always loved "O Holy Night" because it reminded him of his dad. He said last Christmas he felt so close to his father then he had in years. He cried too. Dad wasn’t a crier, but that moment made him very emotional. I think that maybe, his father was visiting him on his last Christmas on earth. Like maybe his dad knew his son was coming home. Last Christmas we (El, her girls, me and GL) put up the Christmas stuff last year at his house. He really wasn’t able to do it himself. He couldn’t walk very far w/o getting out of breath. That’s why he was in the hospital. So they could figure out why he was having so much trouble breathing and he would get better and come home and he should be here. He should be here to see Jordan grow up and to meet the new kids Johnny ^ Jane are adopting. Not that i plan on getting married, but he was supposed to escort me down the aisle, even if he had to drive his scooter to do it.  Maybe I’ll be better next Christmas. I wasn’t up for any parties this year. I just couldn’t do it. It’s hard enough for me to go out and party on a regular day. It’s even harder when I miss my Daddy. I know he would want me to go out. I know that. I just couldn’t do it. Hopefully, emotionally, I’ll be better. But right now I’m still mourning and I miss him so much.

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